Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
where are you?
Hypothermia
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
