Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
