Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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