i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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