i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
