pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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