I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
