I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
