You just made me feel so damn special
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
