My vagina just recognized that song.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
