she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize