wake up i wanna do it froggy style
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
