paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
