i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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