Cold hands, warm shart.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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