Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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