1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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