You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
