Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was like eating out sand paper
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
