Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
