It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize