You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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