I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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