I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
