i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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