His pubic hair was longer than his dick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
