Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
