So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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