Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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