After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
