I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
