Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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