yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
