you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pooping to opera.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
