I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
