somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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