Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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