just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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