eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
