beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
