Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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