me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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