Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
