I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
