If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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