My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
