So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
