if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
