I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize