Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize