is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
