If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
