she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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