he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
where are my eyebrows?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize