Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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