Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
