He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
