I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize