Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
