ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
