garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
