Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
