Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
