Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize