I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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