That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
please don't ironically join a cult
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