You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
