Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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