sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
