why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize